A few weeks ago, God was impressing me to create content. I found it as somewhat a reminder rather than a command since I have always known God wants me to write. It is after all the skill He used to bless me and others as well. Unfortunately, I never got to write as much as I should until recently.

As I was impressed by God to write and create content, He also revealed what has kept me from writing more — bitterness. I thought fear and doubt has kept me from writing. These last few years I thought my own content wasn’t good enough. However, after God showed me that bitterness was the root of it all, I started to reflect and acknowledge it. I saw that I did write less in this blog and I didn’t even share any of my new post — except for selected ones.

What caused my bitterness?

Becoming Unseen

To be honest, it wasn’t only until God highlighted my bitterness a few weeks ago that I began to acknowledge what I had been denying all these years. I thought it wasn’t there, however, a small disappointment from the past had somehow grown into envy which led to my bitterness. To be more precise, I was bitter after some people I thought would acknowledge and support me chose to go for someone else. I suddenly felt unseen. This worsened when that person became successful and was living my dream because of their support.

I denied this feeling of bitterness through the years. I convinced myself that I didn’t feel bad and that I understood this was all part of God’s plan for that person (it was part of God’s plan actually). However, looking back, I realized I also blamed and thought less of myself. I believed that perhaps my busyness at work (I’m a writer there as well), or perhaps I wasn’t good enough that I became “unseen”. So many perhaps yet all of them made me unforgiving of my own shortcomings.

I lost confidence. I was more confident as a writer and content strategist at work, but other than that I felt unseen, unheard, and unwanted. As it made me write less, this also led me to hide what God blessed me and the lessons I could’ve shared.

Unveiling the Truth

“More of Him. Less of Me” is a well-known phrase declared by Christians including me. As I reflected on my bitterness and the doubt that lingered with it, I realize this was because I wanted to be seen more than magnifying God. I wanted them to see me and affirm me. I wanted them to be pleased with me… but that’s just it. That was wrong.

While we are all encouraged to affirm people of their gifts and talents , what makes it wrong is when we give too much importance on being validated. While it may seem harmless, it can become a trap (if left unchecked) to glorify ourselves and please others rather than giving it all to God.

I realized how I have shoved to the side the truth of how God used me on several occasions through my writing. God could’ve done more through my posts these past years yet I lessened writing just because I saw myself less than how He intended me to be. That was petty. My bitterness caused me to hide from them and from others what God has blessed me with and also caused me to believe in the lie that was unseen.

…but this is the truth — not just for me but for all of us — GOD SEES each of us!

Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.

Hebrews 4:13

The fact that God reminded me to create content and at the same time rebuked me on how I allowed my bitterness and doubt to keep me on hold is enough proof that He does see everything. Nothing can be hidden from Him. More than a rebuke it’s also a chance to address the issue. More of Him and less of me and of others…

The One that Matters Most

God is the audience that matters most.

Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.

Colossians 3:23-24 ESV

One day we will all be held accountable by God with all He entrusted us with. Our life, our work, our skills, and our talents — everything —is to be used for His glory, not our own or others. In all our ways, we need to keep in mind that God is watching our every move, even those we try to hide. He knows each of us better than we know ourselves. He created us after all.

We are to bless people through what He gave us. Being ministers to His people by the works of hands, according to how we are shaped and being shaped, is one way to glorify Him. More than us working, we are allowing Him to work through us. This is the only reason that matters on why we should continue to work and bless others through what God has blessed us with.

I am Seen

As I continue creating and sharing content, I pray God strengthens me. Everything is a spiritual battle and, for me, to once again step out in faith to continue this means I will always be challenged — but God is with me. It doesn’t matter whether only one person gets to read this post or any of my content just as long as that person is blessed and reminded.

I praise Him for His faithfulness as He highlights what needs to be addressed in me (which I had denied all this years) as I answer His call more than before.

Our purpose is to please God, not people. He alone examines the motives of our hearts. 

1 Thessalonians 2:4 NLT