God’s love is truly unfathomable. You can never really understand it’s depths until you experience betrayal…

I recently found myself frustrated — actually, angry. It took a lot of strength last month to stop myself from ranting about it on social media in hopes the person to whom I was mad at would read it and realize the mistake she made… Fortunately, I had a call with accountability friends and got to pray about it which gave me this big AHA from the Lord

God is an incredibly patient God….

The Picture of a Crucified Christ

In Luke 23:34, Jesus prayed for those who mocked him:

“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”

These includes the soldiers who stripped him of his clothes, divided it, and casted lots for it. Imagine if you were in Christ’s position. Surely, you’ll be hurt, angry, even frustrated, right? I mean, how dare they do that considering you were “dying” for their sins.

I bet it hurt more when Jesus was betrayed by Judas for coins…

Now imagine if the people doing this to you are your friends…

People you once lent your time whenever they started crying for help because of a heartbreak.

People you once taught and empowered to be able to stand for themselves.

People you love and treated as family.

Yes, people you let into your home, shared a meal, treated no differently than a sister or a brother.

…now that hurts deeply, doesn’t it. The betrayal!

Nobody likes betrayal.

Blocked

I was recently blocked by a person I was spiritually mentoring. At first, I thought I was on the wrong. Perhaps there was something wrong with my approach on how I rebuked her or asked her a question (answerable by yes or no). It was only a few weeks later that I realized I was blocked. No explanations — nothing.

I was mad. I thought of her last message when I was accused of not treating her like an adult yet she did the most childish thing — block a person on social media without any discussion. I felt as if the times invested on mentoring were all for nothing. I didn’t even know how my approach hurt her. I had to ask help from accountability friends, including my church pastor, to help me process. Through these conversations I realized something:

1. I was really mad not only at such a treatment but on myself.
2. I doubted my ability to mentor.
3. I almost felt ashamed for rebuking her.

I was starting to believe I deserved how I was treated and even started to believe I can’t be a good mentor.

I then started to look for patterns. I started to reflect on how Christ must’ve felt being mocked even though all he did was love, teach, heal, sacrifice — and rebuke.

Yes, He called out people who needed to be called out.
He named sin as sin and not some fancy word that’s somewhat “comforting”.

…and those people didn’t like it.

…those people chose to crucify and mock him.

…those people chose to be blind to the truth instead of owning up to their mistake.

…those people chose what they thought would be “good” for them.

…and Jesus was still praying for God to forgive them. How can I do that?

Yes, how can I? But the more I faced the situation, especially when that person sent me a note of apology, the more I realized I can easily forgive this person.

…That I have forgiven this person already.

I am grateful to friends and even my church mentor and pastor for guiding me. I realized I have forgiven this person especially as my eyes were opened to certain realities about today’s generation…

It’s kind of complicated to explain further in this blog, but as I saw the reason why she reacted the way she did, I also saw another truth I need to uphold:

Forgiveness doesn’t equal trust…

I was still a mentor at the end of the day. As a sister in Christ, instead of just modeling how to be held accountable, I also should ensure she understood there are consequences to what she did.

Things will never be the same and trust should be earned….

To Forgive Like Christ

I am not Jesus, but it doesn’t mean I can’t forgive.

In the end I saw how limited I am as a human and how much gracious He is with me. Imagine the countless sins I have committed and yet He so graciously loves me and forgives me and never gives up on me.

I also saw how I have offended others in the past (especially when I was the same age as she was). How I was offended easily just because I didn’t understand what they were telling me.

It’s true what the Bible says, God disciplines those He loves (Hebrew 12:6). Even if Jesus was mocked during His time here on earth (even now actually), the invitation to be part of God’s family remains open. He still forgives and waits patiently.

…and the only way I can do that is to abide in Him…

It’s difficult to be honest. Even as I write this, I wanted this blog to be a rebuke to that person — yet I am also reminded by the many offense I did others and how they have forgiven me (and how I was fortunate there was no “blocking” during that time too).

Who am I not to forgive her?

This experience tested my patience and even revealed the worries I have as a mentor. But most importantly it showed me the importance of a church community to both remind and hold me accountable where needed.

In time, I do pray I can have that conversation with her. Things may never be the same though but it doesn’t mean I have closed my doors to reconciliation…